Forgive and forget.

Even PNoy mentioned this in his 3rd SONA yesterday. He said that this phrase cannot answer to all the things done by the wrongdoers. Yes, we can forgive, but not forget.

Then, I wondered, does that even make sense? Can we call it forgiveness when we're still holding on to the memory of the pain inflicted to us? Can we fully move on with that thought still lingering on the back of our minds? I think not. I believe forgetting comes with forgiveness. I guess that's why it's  simply "Forgive and forget", not "Forgive and then forget if you want."

I've learned from a friend that a grudge is like a double-edged sword. Though it may hurt those that did us wrong, it may also hurt us. Sometimes, when we're too consumed by that hatred, we don't notice that the blade has wounded us so deep that, when we realize it, it's already too difficult to heal. Difficult, but possible.

Another hard thing to do is forgiving ourselves. To forgive yourself for all your mistakes, all the bad decisions, all the broken promises, all the failed attempts, all the times you let fear or anger control you, all the people you neglected, and all the times that you were simply in the wrong place and time. Try to forgive yourself, and think that they are already in the past. Do not let the past haunt you, and keep you from making your future shine as bright as it should be. Forgive yourself, then learn from all of it.

"We are not the person other people wish we were. We are who we decide to be. It's always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but your successes or failures are entirely your own responsibility."
From the book, "Aleph" by Paulo Coelho

My friend also said that we should let go of the hatred for us to happily move on. That's probably the hardest part - to let go. Sometimes, we think that letting go of the memory makes us the losers. That we are letting them win by forgetting what they did to us. That's why we hold on. We don't want to let go unless we can call it quits.

But we could also think of it this way: by letting go, we let ourselves live without a heavy heart. Do it for yourself. As they say, there is no sweeter revenge than your enemies seeing how happy you are despite their efforts of putting you down. But, to be completely happy, you have to let go of the burden in your heart. Forgive, and then forget.