Forgive and forget.

Even PNoy mentioned this in his 3rd SONA yesterday. He said that this phrase cannot answer to all the things done by the wrongdoers. Yes, we can forgive, but not forget.

Then, I wondered, does that even make sense? Can we call it forgiveness when we're still holding on to the memory of the pain inflicted to us? Can we fully move on with that thought still lingering on the back of our minds? I think not. I believe forgetting comes with forgiveness. I guess that's why it's  simply "Forgive and forget", not "Forgive and then forget if you want."

I've learned from a friend that a grudge is like a double-edged sword. Though it may hurt those that did us wrong, it may also hurt us. Sometimes, when we're too consumed by that hatred, we don't notice that the blade has wounded us so deep that, when we realize it, it's already too difficult to heal. Difficult, but possible.

Another hard thing to do is forgiving ourselves. To forgive yourself for all your mistakes, all the bad decisions, all the broken promises, all the failed attempts, all the times you let fear or anger control you, all the people you neglected, and all the times that you were simply in the wrong place and time. Try to forgive yourself, and think that they are already in the past. Do not let the past haunt you, and keep you from making your future shine as bright as it should be. Forgive yourself, then learn from all of it.

"We are not the person other people wish we were. We are who we decide to be. It's always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but your successes or failures are entirely your own responsibility."
From the book, "Aleph" by Paulo Coelho

My friend also said that we should let go of the hatred for us to happily move on. That's probably the hardest part - to let go. Sometimes, we think that letting go of the memory makes us the losers. That we are letting them win by forgetting what they did to us. That's why we hold on. We don't want to let go unless we can call it quits.

But we could also think of it this way: by letting go, we let ourselves live without a heavy heart. Do it for yourself. As they say, there is no sweeter revenge than your enemies seeing how happy you are despite their efforts of putting you down. But, to be completely happy, you have to let go of the burden in your heart. Forgive, and then forget.

Rays of light.

Have you ever wanted something so much, but, the more you try to get it, the more it seems to elude you? It's frustrating, yet really humbling. At the end of the day, you'll just realize that maybe it really isn't meant for you. Maybe you're up for something better or greater. Yes, in a way, that sounded like I'm just comforting myself for the things that I can't get. But, that is my point. We can't always get what we want, or maybe we can't just get it on the exact time that we want it. 

I often use the Facebook application, God wants you to know. Sometimes, it's a good source of a cliche yet timely, inspiring and wise advice. Recently, what I got there said, "Chasing the things you want can make them move further away from you. Relax, and let events unfold in their own time instead." And, that's it. I realized that, for now, I should slow down, be less aggressive. Then, I felt happier and lighter. 

Now, let me take this opportunity to thank the people who had been with me during the times when I was so down because of the things that I should not even be worrying about:

1. Thank you for the videoke night out. It was great to let everything out through a song. Hahaha.
---
2. Thank you and you for being my shopping buddies. I just discovered that this is actually an effective (though really costly) de-stresser.
---
3. Thank you for sparing a few hours from your really busy schedule to have dinner with me and to just talk the night away. Wednesday night was real fun! Yes, including our encounter with "kuya" when we were desperately finding that spot where we could make a U-turn.
---

4. Thank you for Skype-ing with me and just let me rant about what's happening here, even when you're busy in the lab. It was just like our old laboratory moments when I would just watch and talk while you're going about your experiments. Oh, how I miss that. Even if you didn't realize that I was ranting, I still thank you because you have no idea how much weight was gone from me when I got all that out.
---

5. Thank you for being so patient whenever I call you for no reason, and you're still asleep. But, hey, who would know that you're still sleeping by 10am? Hahaha, just kidding. But, thank you, really, for taking the time to answer and listen even if you're just half-awake.
---

6. Thank you for randomly asking how I am. I was surprised because you rarely do that, and I'm so touched. Thank you, too, for letting me tell you everything despite you being at work. I know reading my messages while talking with your students was a challenge. Lastly, thank you for randomly inviting me for lunch. I really appreciated that.
---

7. Thank you for the fun catch-up and merienda. Also, I'm sorry for asking you to help me carry the drawers and coat hanger I purchased. I hope your arms did not ache as much as mine did.
---

8. Thank you for agreeing to meet up with me. As always, I enjoyed your company and our risk-taking search for great food. Besides eating and chatting, it was also really fun to shop for your "paraphernalia". Hahaha. Have a great TBA!

A really big thank you! It is wonderful to know that there are people who will always be there for you especially when the going gets tough. People who will make time when you need them. People who will not wait for you to tell them what's happening, but rather ask you as soon as they notice that something's wrong. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. But having these people makes everything seem bearable.

Untitled.

When you're faced with something big, it feels like it is the only thing in front of you. It feels as if your whole life is solely composed of that moment. But, it isn't. There are so much more beyond that metaphorical wall that is blocking your path. How to break through that or, at least, see way past that barricade is the real challenge. When you look back into that moment after several years, it would just be a really small portion of your life. So small that it would be hard to imagine that, once, it had been almost everything you ever worried about.

But hey, things are always easier said than done. Now, how would I get past this wall? I really have no idea.

On love and parking spaces

One Thursday afternoon, it was so difficult to find a parking space near the College of Engineering that I was only able to park beside the Computer Center - which is quite a distance from the college (relative to where I usually park). While walking, my friend and I saw a free parking space in front of the ChE lab and, wanting to park there, we hurriedly went to the car. As we drove towards that spot, we saw another car already parking on that same space. Sadly, we had to find another and, while we're at it, the love conversation began and went something like this...

"Parang opportunity lang yan eh, dapat grab agad." (on losing our parking space)
"Parang love, minsan walang nakalaan sa'yo." (on no free parking space)
"Emo lang? Hindi, parang love lang yan, 'pag may nakalaan sa'yo, sa'yo talaga."
"Hahaha, tama. 'Pag for you, for you."

Then, as expected, the only free slot was the one where we were parked earlier.

"'Pag sa'yo talaga, dun pa din babalik."
"Kasi naman, meron na ngang nakalaan sa'yo, naghahanap pa ng iba."
"Pag for you nga, for you talaga."

And, we just laughed at the weirdness of our conversation. We parked the car, and did not look for any other free parking space.

Can we just stop and talk awhile?

Sometimes, life can be just too fast for us. Too fast that we can't even find time to have a decent conversation. Too fast that we can't even get past the usual greetings and well-wishes. Too fast that we don't seem to find any topic interesting enough to talk about. It saddens me that we think we know what's happening in each other's life, but we actually don't. I just hope life slows down a bit for us. That way, we could catch up - with life, and with each other.

Maybe you don't even know how I'm feeling right now.

And, I don't probably have the slightest idea of how you're feeling.

Been there. Or not.

(This photo doesn't exactly describe what I'll be talking about. But, hey. Quarter-life crisis. Quarter-life. Quarter. I know you get it.)

I remember a conversation I had with a friend about quarter-life crisis, and how to know if you're experiencing it. She made me read an article* about it which made me wonder if I have already faced this life's conflict. That time, I thought I had.

Before I started my MS degree, I was so frustrated that my life's not coming up to my expectations. I already passed my board exam but, there I was, spending time at home and just waiting (impatiently, I must add) for June to come. I knew that I want to pursue a master's degree, however waiting is never really easy. Seeing my classmates finding a job and earning money made me think, "What on earth am I doing, sitting around here all day?!" Those were the longest 6 months I've ever experienced.

But recently, I realized that I may not exactly had a quarter-life crisis. Learning about my friends' stories about them not liking their jobs or feeling that they don't have the job they want/deserve, I thought that what I experienced before was nothing but a mere case of envy. Envy because they had already entered the real world, and I didn't. Envy because there they were achieving something, while I was just there waiting. But all of these feelings ended when I started my graduate course.

About a year and a half from now, I'll be entering the real world (finally!). And then, I'll find out if I'll be experiencing this quarter-life crisis the same way that some of my friends did. And, if ever I do, I hope I'll be able to surpass it, too - because I know that they definitely will.

*http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20110308-324087/To-be-a-dancing-star