Rays of light.

Have you ever wanted something so much, but, the more you try to get it, the more it seems to elude you? It's frustrating, yet really humbling. At the end of the day, you'll just realize that maybe it really isn't meant for you. Maybe you're up for something better or greater. Yes, in a way, that sounded like I'm just comforting myself for the things that I can't get. But, that is my point. We can't always get what we want, or maybe we can't just get it on the exact time that we want it. 

I often use the Facebook application, God wants you to know. Sometimes, it's a good source of a cliche yet timely, inspiring and wise advice. Recently, what I got there said, "Chasing the things you want can make them move further away from you. Relax, and let events unfold in their own time instead." And, that's it. I realized that, for now, I should slow down, be less aggressive. Then, I felt happier and lighter. 

Now, let me take this opportunity to thank the people who had been with me during the times when I was so down because of the things that I should not even be worrying about:

1. Thank you for the videoke night out. It was great to let everything out through a song. Hahaha.
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2. Thank you and you for being my shopping buddies. I just discovered that this is actually an effective (though really costly) de-stresser.
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3. Thank you for sparing a few hours from your really busy schedule to have dinner with me and to just talk the night away. Wednesday night was real fun! Yes, including our encounter with "kuya" when we were desperately finding that spot where we could make a U-turn.
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4. Thank you for Skype-ing with me and just let me rant about what's happening here, even when you're busy in the lab. It was just like our old laboratory moments when I would just watch and talk while you're going about your experiments. Oh, how I miss that. Even if you didn't realize that I was ranting, I still thank you because you have no idea how much weight was gone from me when I got all that out.
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5. Thank you for being so patient whenever I call you for no reason, and you're still asleep. But, hey, who would know that you're still sleeping by 10am? Hahaha, just kidding. But, thank you, really, for taking the time to answer and listen even if you're just half-awake.
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6. Thank you for randomly asking how I am. I was surprised because you rarely do that, and I'm so touched. Thank you, too, for letting me tell you everything despite you being at work. I know reading my messages while talking with your students was a challenge. Lastly, thank you for randomly inviting me for lunch. I really appreciated that.
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7. Thank you for the fun catch-up and merienda. Also, I'm sorry for asking you to help me carry the drawers and coat hanger I purchased. I hope your arms did not ache as much as mine did.
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8. Thank you for agreeing to meet up with me. As always, I enjoyed your company and our risk-taking search for great food. Besides eating and chatting, it was also really fun to shop for your "paraphernalia". Hahaha. Have a great TBA!

A really big thank you! It is wonderful to know that there are people who will always be there for you especially when the going gets tough. People who will make time when you need them. People who will not wait for you to tell them what's happening, but rather ask you as soon as they notice that something's wrong. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. But having these people makes everything seem bearable.

Hello, distractions!

Because I'm so not in the mood to finish my thesis proposal, I bought a new book! 

"Aleph invites us to consider the meaning of our own personal journeys: Are we where we want to be, doing what we want to do?" Those were the lines that made me want to read the book. Hopefully, I'd get something inspiring out of this book since that's what I really need right now.

On another distraction, I learned about the super moon a while ago, so I grabbed my cam and went outside. 

Sadly, my shot didn't feel so super, and I think the super moon occurred last night. Well, I have a mental picture of the beautiful, orange-y moon, anyway. That's good enough for me. 

Untitled.

When you're faced with something big, it feels like it is the only thing in front of you. It feels as if your whole life is solely composed of that moment. But, it isn't. There are so much more beyond that metaphorical wall that is blocking your path. How to break through that or, at least, see way past that barricade is the real challenge. When you look back into that moment after several years, it would just be a really small portion of your life. So small that it would be hard to imagine that, once, it had been almost everything you ever worried about.

But hey, things are always easier said than done. Now, how would I get past this wall? I really have no idea.

Terribly missing my dearest friend.

Okay, I know I told you that I won't be so dramatic, so I'll make this short.


Even if we don't see each other very often when you were still here, I'd still miss you so much now that you're somewhere far. I guess, besides missing YOU, I'll miss the idea that you're just here - somewhere here. You're no longer "just a text away" from me. I'll miss our spontaneous meet-ups, and even the planned ones. I'll miss your text messages because I know it'll be too costly now. I'll miss our conversations which always make me feel lighter. I'll miss everything we did together.

Do you still remember this strip? Haha. I know that even when we're miles apart, we still (and will always) have a friend in each other. I know we'll find ways to keep the communication. Good luck on this journey, my dearest friend! Make the most out of this great opportunity and adventure! I'm really happy for you because, as you have said, that is your dream. Go and live it. See you in 6 months or so. :)

Failing connections

Staring at my cellphone, I'm hoping you'd find time to wish me a great morning. I miss those mornings that I would wake up to your messages and feel glad that you thought of me before your busy day starts.

Have you ever missed someone so much that it already hurts? So much, that you can't help but think that they don't miss you at all. So much, that sometimes you feel that you're now just another person in their busy life - nothing special. So much, that all you can do is quietly hope that they'll remember you again because you know, deep down, that you can't, and won't, bring this issue up to them.

It is so hard whenever you recall those days when you were still spending time with each other - watching movies together, kwentuhan over coffee, random activities that you have no idea why you enjoy doing (probably because you're with them) - and then realize that those days are now just distant memories. You wonder how they are doing right now. You want to contact them but you're stopped by the idea that maybe, just maybe, they're actually really busy. You don't want to be a disturbance, after all. Then days, sometimes weeks, will pass without any communication with them...and then, one day, you'll helplessly realize that whatever's between you is just another failed connection.

Because I'm clingy and such.

Sasabihin mo na naman, "Para namang ang tagal kong mawawala."

Half a year is long for someone who spent so much time and did a lot of stuff with you, especially recently. I'll definitely miss our kwentuhan - whether kalandian lang or on serious matters. The things we did and talked about during the long waiting time of our experiments.  Our shopping escapades. Yung mga kasamaan at kalokohan natin. Yung pamimilit namin sa'yo na i-invite kami sa Bataan, lalo na nung nabanggit mo yung zipline sa inyo. Haha. The many merienda we had whenever our experiments permitted, and the random dinners (tapos sisisihin mo kami kung bakit 'di ka pumapayat). I'll surely miss mocking your adsorption experiment's pH stabilization which takes a very, very, very long time to stop changing (well, not knowing that you'll make me finish it. T_T). And, of course, all your funny stories and jokes that seemed endless. 

On your new adventure, I could wish nothing but the very best for you. You deserve every opportunity that life has given and will soon give you. I know you would do great - you always do. Kahit na lagi ka naming niloloko na sabay tayo ga-graduate, naniniwala pa din ako na mauuna ka sa'min matapos (pwera usog. Hahaha.).

Good luck on this journey and may God bless you always! Enjoy every bit of this great adventure! Keep in touch and see you in 6 months! :)

PS: Sabi mo sa'kin okay lang nung sinabi kong mag-b-blog ako tungkol sa pag-alis mo. 'Wag ka mag-violent reaction. Hahahaha. :)

My 2011 Adventure

Last year didn't start so well for me, especially since my 2010 ended great. But, eventually, luck caught up and things began to change for the better.

2011 let me experience the ups and downs of life. I experienced being nothing and being something. I gained new people in my life and, sadly, lost some, too. There were times I felt like I had no one, but, most of the time, I know that I'm surrounded by the people who makes the world seem better. I've been my worst and best self this year. Yes, 2011 was indeed one crazy adventure. And, I really thank God that everything happened EXACTLY the way they did. 

My 2011 in pictures:

JANUARY

▫ New Year at Baguio City ▫ Took interest in taking photos of flowers ▫ Read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho ▫ 

FEBRUARY

▫ PIChE National Convention in Bacolod ▫ Myth of the Human Body Exhibition (twice!) ▫ Fiesta in Sta. Rita, Pampanga ▫ Found my new favorite subject -- Ely! :) ▫ Took more random photos ▫

MARCH

▫ Watched Sugarfree's Farewell Concert with John at Eastwood ▫ Watched the Philippine International Pyro Musical Competition at the Mall of Asia ▫ Lolo passed away :( ▫ Dada and Apo's golden wedding anniversary celebration ▫ Kuya graduated from UST Law ▫

APRIL

▫ 9th anniversary celebration with Leys, Mhi, Mjhae and John at Tagaytay (Photos grabbed from Leys) ▫ Kuya's birthday and graduation celebration ▫ Tina's birthday celebration ▫

MAY

▫ Finished AIM's three-week Business Management Program ▫ Learned a lot ▫ Made new friends :) ▫

▫ Rockband first-timers at Bluskies, Katipunan ▫ I was able to set up a little studio inside my room (which lasted for just one night) ▫ Enchanted Kingdom with family (my first EKstreme experience!) ▫ Got the ERDT Scholarship! :D ▫ Watched Maroon 5 concert with Issa at SMX Convention ▫

JUNE

▫ Enchanted Kingdom with ChE '05 friends (made my first "music video" :P) ▫ Started my MS EnE degree (back-to-school!) ▫ Enchanted Kingdom with family and Caps ▫ Bought my first not-so-cheap gift to myself -- a 50mm f/1.8 Nikkor Lens :) ▫

JULY

▫ Party-party at O-Week's Culminating Party held at Area 05 Superclub (Photo grabbed from Geronimo Photographico's FB Album: http://on.fb.me/zKh3KX) ▫

▫ Random bonding with Junelle and Ip at Robinson's Galleria (Junelle, I will forever see fish eggs in that photo because of you. Haha.) ▫ Bought new PC -- this marked the start of the haggard days of my MS EnE program ▫ Caps' birthday surprise -- will never forget this! :D (Bitter critter photo grabbed from Quiddity Online's FB Album: http://on.fb.me/wjgERe) ▫

AUGUST

▫ ChE Reps 0910 get-together dinner with Pampy at Trinoma (Thanks Rachell for the coffee treat! Let's do this again soon! :D) ▫ Went to Bohol with the whole family during the long weekend -- BEST. TRIP. EVER. :) ▫

SEPTEMBER

▫ My birthday! Therefore, new hair! :) ▫ First field trip of my MS program (EnE 201) at Morong, Rizal Landfill  -- Thanks Papa for the help! ▫ Attended my first ERDT Conference at Manila Hotel ▫ Videoke at Music 21 after the conference (I don't want to remember where we went after this. Haha scary experience. XD) ▫ Unexpected bonding with Selda and Tins at Trinoma -- masama kayo dito! Dora, amp! >_< (Photos grabbed from Selda) ▫ 

OCTOBER

▫ Went to Yuchengco Museum with Junelle at Makati ▫ Ate at the hard-to-find, but worth it, Mom & Tina's Bakery Cafe after -- grabe yung wrong way tayo sa one-way street, buti nalang linggo yun. Haha. XD ▫ This day is nothing but happiness. Let's shoot and bond again soon! :) ▫

▫ Unplanned bonding with Leys and Mhi at Trinoma (Mhi, thanks again for the booking assistance. Leys, thanks again for the birthday gift! :D) ▫ Made my first DIY camera accessory -- customized bokeh ▫

▫ My first plane ride without Papa and Mama ▫ Went to Puerto Princesa City, Palawan with Caps. :) ▫

NOVEMBER

▫ Papa and Mama's 27th wedding anniversary celebration at Red Palace Restaurant (where I first tasted the BEST halabos na suahe ever!) ▫ Kuya and Ate Ejay's bar exam this month (Good luck! :D) -- masaya makisali sa pagrerelax sa Manila Hotel. :) ▫ Food trip and bonding with ChE 05 friends (Edgie, thank you for the treat! :9) ▫ Reunion and bonding with relatives in Pampanga during the holiday ▫

DECEMBER

▫ Reunion with my 2-A family at Zel's House in North Olympus, QC ▫ Played Pinoy Genius and Charades ▫ We'll forever remember Scooby Doo and how it must be acted. Hahaha. ▫ A truly fun and memorable night! :) ▫

▫ Pampy's all-day-til-night birthday celebration at the ChE Laboratory, Mister Kabab and Pizza Hut ▫ Chill at the Rance Residence in Bataan -- thanks for the warm and generous accommodation, Pamps! Namimiss ko na yung luto ni Mama Perlit. :) ▫ Pawikan Conservation Center - bawal mag-swimming dahil sa malalakas na alon, kaya picture nalang. Haha. ▫ Christmas celebration with Leys, Mhi and John in Eastwood (Photos grabbed from Leys) ▫ Christmas preparation and celebration at home - made truffles and tiramisu! ▫ Reunion with the Genuino clan ▫

Looking forward to a more awesome, crazy and blessed 2012!

Happy year of the Dragon! <--our year! ^_^